New love, new place, a new life.. new relations, new places – a brand new start. Couldn’t wait for it all to begin. This was me, when I began counting down to the big day, 200 days ago.
Now as the frenzy has set in, and the countdown stands at 20, every night the realisation hits me stronger than the previous.
My favourite corner of the house, the window sitting on which I have spent hours studying, reading, thinking or just absently watching cars pass by. The cupboards where I’ve stashed my books, bought hoping to be able to read them someday. Many will remain unread. The smell of fresh print on their leaves will eventually fade away without anybody to smell it. My folder of memories, the letters written, the photographs taken, will lie there for the day I turn to them for delighful amusement.
The places I frequent, the roads that I know like the back of my hand, will no longer be so in the foreign land. The conversations, the familiar faces, the friendly neighbourhood stalls, will soon be replaced by aquaintances and opulent malls.
I walk over to mom sometimes and hug her while she’s asleep. Cry to my little sister, while she’s peacefully unaware. And as I think of the number of days I have left on this very bed, under this very blanket, eyes well up amost as though they have a mind of their own!
How I’m going to miss Mom, who kept nagging me for being callous with my duties. As I now realise the magnitude of the responsibilities that lay ahead, I wish I had been a better person and made her proud.
The sister, who I always teased saying, “what will you do without me?” – I’ve realised that I’m going to be completely lost without her! That one person who’s always got my back, the one whose unconditional love I always took for granted.
The father, the most misunderstood – who I always feared, for his temper and tough demeanor – I’ve realised that he has been the most caring of the lot. I wish I had hugged him more. Why does it have to be the time to leave when I finally know his importance?
Why does the goodbye have to be so soon? The goodbye that will change my life forever, after which I wont visit these paths for months together. These faces who will be reduced to photographs seen on Facebook updates, or occasionally smiling back at me on Skype.
Oh what would I not give for another day, month, another year in this place, with these people – who for 24 years of my life I have called HOME!